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Sexuality as a Topic and Other Feedback

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I have recently received some feedback about including sexuality as a topic for dad jokes. Although it was not the most constructive of feedback, some points were made. Sex as a topic is not the same as sexuality, and I apologize for not making that distinction clearer. I was basing my moderating on what was being reported and sex being a topic as understood for children closer to puberty, although sexuality such as LGBTQ+ parents/partners/people can be understood much earlier. While I stand by still keeping actual sexual themes (anatomy, sex positions, etc.) as an off-limits topic for the community, sexuality seems reasonable to include.

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Post text, images, or direct links only

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Please see the updated sidebar. Do not post external links to websites such as Facebook and Instagram.

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Please post jokes about adult topics to the new Uncle Jokes community

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Update 2025-9-11: If you cannot tell this joke to a 5-year-old and they would understand, you should probably post it to the this community: !unclejokes@lemmy.world. Please message me if you think it could be different.

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Why isn't Holy water used in vaccines?

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You’re not supposed to take the Lord’s name in vein!

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You hear what happened to the fly who use to stream themselves playing Fortnite ?

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They got swatted ..

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Having big feet makes you smarter...

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… because it gives you greater understanding

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When my neighbor insulted my textile artwork , I told them

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I really felt it.

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What do you call a snake that's exactly 3.14 metres long?

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A π thon

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What do you call it when 2 dinosaurs are involved in a car accident?

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T-wrecks!

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What's green and sits on a fence?

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Paint

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Pilots never get flustered flying fixed-wing aircraft

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…because they’re unflappable.

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What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

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Dam.

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What’s red and smells like blue paint?

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Red paint

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What’s pink and slippery?

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A slipper

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What’s brown and sounds like a bell?

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DUNG!

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What’s brown and sticky?

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A stick

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What’s brown and runny?

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Usain Bolt

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What do you call an autumn in space?

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A star fall

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What’s brown and rhymes with snoop?

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Dr Dre

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I accidentally dropped a bucket of paint on my boss at the job site…

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Boy, was he blue in the face!

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I went to the bookstore

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I asked the employee, “Do you have any books written by Shakespeare?”

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What's blue and smells like red paint?

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Blue paint

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What's blue and doesn't weigh very much?

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Light blue

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A man with experience

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What is the highest form of flattery?

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A plateau!

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What book do you turn to when you need some morals fast?

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ASAP’s Fables

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My IP address is WC

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A lady tells her milkman she wants to take a bath in milk

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“I read that milk is good for your skin” she tells the milkman. “Can you bring me enough so I can take a milk bath?”

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Did you know milk is the fastest liquid on Earth?

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It’s pasteurized before you know it!

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I was irritated with all the leaves my guests tracked in

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The second time, though, was a releaf

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Spotted on Mastodon

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Why does it make sense to be afraid of an average dog?

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Because it is a mean dog

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Time flies like an arrow.

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Fruit flies like a banana.

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Why didn't the cellphone want to go to the dentist?

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It was worried he would pull his Bluetooth!

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Why don't ghosts bother to cross the road?

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Because they’re already on the other side.

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I turned 31 today

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Some might say I’m old, but I’m definitely still in my prime years

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Why Did the Tofu Cross the Road?

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To prove it wasn’t chicken.

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I got Fired from the Calendar Factory!

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..I took a day off.

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How can you tell if your chicken is evil?

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They lay deviled eggs!

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Excellent answer

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/76214946

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My friend tried teaching me how to use a manually transmission. But I told him I was busy and had a lot on my mind. But he claims

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that I was stalling.

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I find selecting reverse gear nostalgic

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It always takes me back

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What did the horse say after it tripped?

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Help, I’ve fallen,and I can’t giddy-up!

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Dad Stands Strong 😁

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Dad Joke : Dad says . . . "My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down!"

📷 : credit for the photographer is posted on the image

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I think my wife is going to divorce me over my obsession with CB radios..

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I think it’s over, over.

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TIL the difference between Chekhov radiation and Cherenkov radiation

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Cherenkov radiation is when a charged particle passes through a medium faster than the speed of light in that medium.

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What do you call a factory that makes okay products?

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A satisfactory.

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What do you call a bee hive with no exit?

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Un-bee-leavable! 🐝

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The greatest sword

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cross-posted from: https://crazypeople.online/post/25446144

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A pirate friend of mine had a really fat parrot that unfortunately died. He said....

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It’s a weight off my shoulder….🦜

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Fuq

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/52320408

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What makes a zombie a vegetarian?

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Graaaaaaains

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I went to a LAN party, but we ended up watching movies instead

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There was Nolan.

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Fuq

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/52320408

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True story! I just bought some fresh sweet corn at the local farm stand. I asked how much it was and the sales person told me it was $1 a piece. I said "Oh it's pirate corn...."

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It’s a buck-an-ear.

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Why do tigers have stripes?

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I’m using the latest apple products

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Whodunnit when The Beatles played Clue?

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Lucy, in the sky, with diamonds.

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When I was younger, I was so poor I couldn't afford electricity....

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It was the darkest time of my life

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Dad says . . . "Be very quiet." 😊

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Dad Joke : Dad says . . . "Don't tell secrets in a cornfield, there's too many ears around."

📷 : credit for the photographer is posted on the image

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Who named the planet Uranus?

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An asstronomer

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I recently started a company selling trampolines disguised as prayer mats.

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Prophets are going through the roof!

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Dad's Great Day! ✨

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Dad Joke : Dad says . . . "My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home."

📷 : credit for the photographer is posted on the image

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Why aren't dogs allowed in bars?

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They can’t control their licker!

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How long is this flight?

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Template

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The bic heavier

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cross-posted from: https://sh.itjust.works/post/67114829

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Maybe there'll be a meet up someday . . . 😊

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Dad says . . . My friend was showing me his tool shed, and he pointed to a ladder - "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never met my real ladder."

📷 : credit for the photographer is posted on the image

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What weighs more? A gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

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Water. Butane’s a lighter fluid.

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I slept in during the weekend and now I have to drug myself to get to sleep.

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I am melatoning for my sins.

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Where do sheep go on vacation?

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The Baaa-hamas! 🐑

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Is buttcheeks one word?

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Or should I spread them apart?

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Which cheese is made in reverse?

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edam

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My friend called and told me he failed a drug test...

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Funny guy, terrible pharmacist

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A great fall ..

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😆
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:drakeyes:
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Silly Dad! 😁

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Dad Joke : Dad asks . . . What did the sink tell the toilet? Answer : You look flushed!

📷 : credit for the photographer is posted on the image

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Why do dads always bring an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?

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In case they get a hole in one.

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A wizard death arrives exactly when it means to

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If I was the caller, I’d be pissed

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I can't decide if I want to be a hairdresser or an author.

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I’ll flip a coin and it’s heads or tales

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Dance The Night Away! - Ewwww! 🤭

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Dad Joke : Dad asks . . . How do you make a Kleenex dance? Answer : Put a little boogie in it!

📷 : credit for the photographer is posted on the image

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What do you give a man who has everything?

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Penicillin! 💉 💉

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My friend who stutters a lot died in prison

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I guess you could say he didn’t finish his sentence.

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Dad's Perfect Match! 😄

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Dad Joke : Dad says . . . "I had a quiet game of tennis today. There was no racket."

📷 : credit for the photographer is posted on the image

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Did you know that anteaters don't get sick?

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It’s all the anty-bodies!

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What do you call a sugar that can write with both hands?

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Ambi-dextrose!

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What's going on with Ed Sheeran?

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I’m out of The Loop…

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Dad tells a joke . . . 🤭

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Dad tells a joke : A man walked into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender said, "Does the animal talk?" And the parrot replied, "I don't know."

📷 : credit for the photographer is posted on the image

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When people asked Quasimodo how he knew people would try to kill him, he replied:

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I had a hunch.

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Keep Going Forrest! 😄

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Dad Joke : Dad asks . . . What’s Forrest Gump’s password? Answer : 1forrest1

📷 : credit for the photographer is posted on the image

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What is Whitney Houston's favorite car brand?

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HYUNN-DAIIIII!

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Dad joke request: Stopped GO trains

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I know there’s a joke somewhere in there

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A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood...

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The nurse asks the rabbit: “What blood type are you?”

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Just let it be Dad! 😁

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Dad Joke : Dad says . . . "I went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole. He said they all look that way, and I should have left him in the garden."

📷 : credit for the photographer is posted on the image

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There was a guy here in the river that was drowning yesterday and I saved him....

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I threw him a bar of soap, and he washed ashore.

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Dad's Vacation

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Dad Joke : Dad says . . . "I told the ocean to wave, and it actually listened!"

📷 : credit for the photographer is posted on the image

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What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?

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A synonym roll!

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Uh Oh! . . . It's goin' down, down, down! 🌊

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Dad Joke : Dad asks - "Why did the produce boat sink? - Too many leeks."

📷 : credit for the photographer is posted on the image

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Someone threw a bottle of Omega-3 pills at me!

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Luckily, my injuries were super-fish-oil!

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Cooked Where? 😄

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Dad Joke : Dad says . . . "Did you know that the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece."

📷 : credit for the photographer is posted on the image

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I found a really old pack of gum in my pants pocket....

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It’s still in mint condition

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How do train conductors like to serve cheese and crackers?

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“OOON A BOAAAARD!”

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A slightly unusual format because I just can't tell this joke anywhere else.

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There’s a little town just across the James River from me named Surry. Apparently the city council is considering borrowing millions of dollars to build a new YMCA. One of the residents has written a letter to the local newspaper:

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Why did the blind man fall into the hole in the ground?

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He couldn’t see that well

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