I concur

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I concur
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Those are some weird as fuck looking children.

You would look weird too if you had been through what they had!

In that time the belief was that Jesus was perfect already when he was born, thus he was painted as an adult. This spread to other religious paintings containing children too, thus we have these creepy kids.

One of them has a fucking bald spot. :D

Lol that one has back abs too!

Bro’s roid-routine is all over the place.

I’m chuckling about the pickled children

I believe they’re called homunculus. I couldn’t find too much on them, but here’s an article.
https://www.thecollector.com/baby-jesus-in-medieval-religious-iconography

They weren’t children after all; they were adults and the pickling shrunk them

That is what they looked like in the olden days.

You see, infant mortality was very high, because instead of practicing good hygiene, people practiced pickling babies, and so only the most ripped and strong kids made it to 5.

An interesting side note I just discovered on Wikipedia:

The boots-filled-over-night tradition is based on another legend of him throwing gold pieces through the window of three poor daughters so that their dad doesn’t have to force them to become prostitutes.

Didn’t expect the roots of St.Nicholas traditions to be that dark…

The brick would weigh like 30kg.

Personally, I’d probably have to hire Anatoly to throw em if I wanted to do that.

I say we all take a leaf out of the conservative playbook and demand to bring back the real Santa.

Not sure about that.
Traditional figures like Zwarte Piet might also reappear…

Republicans in the US salivating for traditional celebrations….

“resurrected the pickled children” goes hard.

Resurrected Pickled Children sounds like a good metal band.

Ok so he just let people starve instead of having them have even three measly pickled children. Fucking priests, the REAL Jesus would have turned those three kids into a pickled feast feeding at least five thousand.

Don’t worry, it’s a made up story anyway

you mean to tell me there wasn’t actually a depickling necromancer roaming the streets?

Now I am imagining an anthropomorphic cucumber going around turning my pickles into seeds and planting them in soil.

That guy exists. His name is Rick.

Never thought I’d see this combination of words in my lifetime

Who said anything about depickling? Man, having those three kids running around smelling like garlic dills everywhere while everyone is starving… either this guy was trolling the fuck out of all the hungry fucks or just Uber eats?

Here in Flanders and to the north in the Netherlands we actually get told this story. Sinterklaas, who visits on the eve of the 5th (NL) or during the night (BE) is our OG Santa Claus.

For kids Sinterklaas is the main event, whereas Christmas is when you get given… socks. Last few years the focus seems to have shifted more to Christmas though.

Glad we got rid of ‘Zwartepiet’ though (Sinterklaas’s helpers). Think ‘elves’ except human-size, not-elf and with blackface.

I grew up attending international schools. Seeing my Dutch classmate dressed as zwartepiet getting called to the principal’s office is a core memory.

We also celebrate saint Nick on 5-6th of december. We never had the weird zwartepiet but Miklavž (ole Nick is accompanied by angels and krampus)

Huh… TIL other countries do Sinterklaas as well. Miklavž… That’s Slovenian, going by the wikipedia page?

Yep. Christmas gifts are a thing but it’s usually family member sgiving eachother cookies and some such

Whenever he’s brought up I never miss the opportunity to mention that he was from Türkiye

TURKIYE MENTION 🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷

From the Wikipedia page for Saint Nicholas

Other early stories tell of him calming a storm at sea, saving three innocent soldiers from wrongful execution, and chopping down a tree possessed by a demon.

Which he then turned into a toy car and gave to my kids to play with. Cause I fucking swear my kids are possessed.

Last one is just plot of Samurai Jack.

Nah mate they (used to maybe? idk) play that song to children in schools where I grew up. The song literally says that the butcher kills the children, chop them off and cure them in salt. I never saw it that way but it’s quite a hardcore children song. I wonder if they still do that lol.

edit:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Nicholas_Day

Where are you from?

I’m going to guess France

Some Dutch person also mentioned that it is part of the story the kids get told.

I’m fairly certain only a small subset of (religious) children are told that story. It’s not a part of the ’normal’ stories at least.

he also got into a fist fight at the nicean council

1 going on 30 with those bald spots.

Reason might be that it weren’t kids in the variant of the legend the painting is based on, but a kind of medieval travelling clerics on their way to Athens. Says so in the German Wikipedia.
Medieval paintings didn’t care for realistic size comparisons, so might well have been misinterpreted as kids in later times.

Maybe St. Nick half-assed the sign of the cross. So when the traveling clerics were resurrected, they got resurrected in fun sized.

why is it called “fun” sized?

Because “lesser portion” doesn’t hit the same.

His necromancer career lacked longevity which is a key metric to determine memory.

Renaissance Artist Draw An Actual Child Challenge: Impossible

“The pickled children” sounds like a metal band name

I was gonna say St. Nick and the Pickled Children and call it a garage band.

Santa also punched a dude at the Council of Nicea

Is Santa Saint Nicholas of Myra? Because where I live, Nikolaus and Santa are two different entities. One has a bishop’s rod and hands out candy at December 6th, the other drinks coca cola, rides a sleigh and hands out presents at Christmas.

Well they have the same name…

Allegedly struck a guy over an argument about the hierarchy of the godhead. Although this is recognized as apocryphal, not showing up in accounts until hagiographies hundreds of years later.

I think the resurrection thing is probably true, though.

There was also that time he slapped a bishop for teaching the heresy that Jesus was less than God

As god is generally regarded as the trinity of Father, Son and Holy Ghost, that other bishop wasn’t wrong though…

That would be an ecumenical matter

ls that also some theologial schism topic? Damn, it sure is complicated… :-)

he was wrong. see the Nicean-Constantipolitan Creed.

I just did some Wikipedia surfing on the topic.
Made clear to me again that the best way to classify Christian lore is as “High Fantasy”.
The whole discussions happening in the years 400 AD sound like some classic nerd turf war.
Perhaps in 500 years there will be some religion based on Warhammer or so…

Post-hoc rationalisation to make the irrational less so.

Remember when Christians used to care for the hungry?

Wow…

The 6th of December could have a soooo much different character… 😆

I also just realized that I have only 2 days left to buy some sweets and stuff to put into my kid’s boots.

That was a pre-jolly Saint Nicholas.

He also lived in what is today Turkey, and has probably never seen a reindeer.

The Santa job required relocation and new means of transportation.

Also his reindeer are all female, as they have antlers in wintertime.

gotta love medieval babies with sixpacks

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